Spiritually aware?

Well it has been a long time between blogs it would seem; fortunately I am still alive and well but somewhat confused with the universe.  Having attended a Spiritual and Wellness Expo recently I found a renewed interest into an old past time of mine - palmistry.  Having watched Sara Gilbert explain how much palmistry plays such a significant role in our lives really stirred and awakened something within me so much so I haven't been able to think of much else since.  That very same week I raced out and had to (okay, not had to - wanted to), buy a book on palmistry so that I could learn this ancient art.  I came across the one and only book available at my local book store, Fells Offical Know-It-All Guide to Palm Reading.  If that wasn't enough encouragement from the universe, then I stambled across a copy of Magic, by Ronda Byrne the same author of the Secret, where her new book helps humankind understand how the use and belief in sincere gratitude can reward our own lives beyond any expectations.  So know I am wondering what my true life's purpose is?  Not so long ago I thought I had it all summed up; I was certain I was meant to teach and help those touched by similar life experiences as myself.  I was certain that my manuscript was to become successfully published and help with my teaching.  Unfortunately as much as I have projected positivity into this crusade I keep meeting dead ends and obstacles that now appear to be relentless.  So the question I now put to myself is simply what is my life's purpose?  Following a simple numerolgy reading it suggests I am a humanitarian and should follow this line of interest somewhere within my life - yes, that sounds like me and yes it certainly fits what I thought the direction of my lifes's purpose was heading so why so many uncertainties, second guessing, self-doubt and insecurities?  Why have I suddenly become the exact opposite in having little self confidence, trouble speaking my thoughts, unable to communicate cleary and so unsure of myself in general?  Currently I am reading the Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, the learning of lifes insights, basically why we are here living the lives we are.  That's right, we are right back to our life's puropse.  Having only read the first three insights so far, I realise how spiritually aware I am, although not as well tuned as I would like.  I believe in coincidences - for example thinking of calling someone and then out of blue they call you - yep thats all part of the universes quest in understanding our plight here; Intuition, and believing there is more to life than what we are currently doing is all what the insights are about.  I am excited about my journey through life yet I feel I have wasted too many years already before learning of all this.  What if my life's purpose has already expired?  Possibly not because I think I would probably be dead in that case!  So now confusion has set in, I am so highly in tune with needing to fulfil something in life - but what?  Well I guess all of us will just have to wait to find out what we are searching for until we feel this is it.  So now I am totally obsessed with all this universe stuff, I have just invested in another two books, The complete guide to Numerolgy and Astrology- Past Life regression.  Can't wait to get stuck into these books.